Damn bloody crap I called life
I haven't been updating much on my blog for some time now due to not only my busy work schedule but also to some other things that happened recently that not only affected me and my mood negatively....but also affected my entire family.
My father is and still a role model to me and ever since I was little...I basically idolized him because of the responsibility,kindness and dedication that he poured to his family.He did a good job raising me and my other siblings but somehow....I ended up like 'this'.(perverted,hot-tempered,vain-glorious,egoistic,arrogantetc.) ^_^;
When my father was diagnosed with severe diabetes....his health diminished and day by day,he gets weaker.....robbing him of his self-confidence.After a few months....my dad was also diagnosed with cataract(did i spell that right?Its some sort of condition....the layer thingy that developes in people's eyes causing them to have trouble seeing/making them partially blind), both his kidneys were damaged(requires dialysis), hypertension, osteopherosis and a number of other illnesses. Things were hard in the first few years but my family somehow adapted to it and things somehow turned out not so bad thanks to the good medication and attention that my father received from my mother. However......things went to sh*t last Sunday when my dad fell down and broke his hip at the wet market.Since that day....my father has to be hospitalized and is unable to walk or even sit-up straight.I saw the x-rays for my father's hip.....and it wasn't pretty.....The hip bone broke almost clean off and the doctors say that he'll need a hip replacement operation(inserting some plastic parts in him instead of attaching the broken bones again with screws).The doctors say that my father would probably not be able to walk as well as last time and that the whole after-operation recouperating thing may take up from 5 to 6 months.Unfortunately.....last Thursday,my mom and I found out that my father's still too weak to go for operation.....he passed out twice during dialysis and an operation so soon would have a danger risk factor of no less than 45% because of his many complications(diabetes=op wound wont be healing as it should,hypertension/high-blood=.
So now.......my father is in pain almost all of the time when he's awake and had to be treated with painkillers which causes him to be confused or hallucinating most of the time.(sometimes...he can't recognize me,i kid u not).
Now all I can do is wait and hope that my father will be okay soon....eventhough I hate waitinga nd hoping for something instead of doing naything.I am now basically am turning into a more angrier and negative person right now thanks to this whole ordeal.
And all these visits to the hospital is making me depressed as heck as well.Today at the dialysis centre...I saw an old Chinese man that looks like he was suffering from some sort of radiation poisoning, had more flabby skin than flesh and bones with plus both of his feet were already blakc and .....rotting away,if I am not mistaken?And just yesterday.....when I was visiting my dad(i visit him everyday....at the hospital now....i try to anyways), this thin Malay guy had this brutal heart-attack beside me inside this lift.*sigh*The hospital here is more like a 'place of suffering' instead of a' place of healing' right now....*sigh*
Mood:Lousy,depressed and angry
Craving:burger
My father is and still a role model to me and ever since I was little...I basically idolized him because of the responsibility,kindness and dedication that he poured to his family.He did a good job raising me and my other siblings but somehow....I ended up like 'this'.(perverted,hot-tempered,vain-glorious,egoistic,arrogantetc.) ^_^;
When my father was diagnosed with severe diabetes....his health diminished and day by day,he gets weaker.....robbing him of his self-confidence.After a few months....my dad was also diagnosed with cataract(did i spell that right?Its some sort of condition....the layer thingy that developes in people's eyes causing them to have trouble seeing/making them partially blind), both his kidneys were damaged(requires dialysis), hypertension, osteopherosis and a number of other illnesses. Things were hard in the first few years but my family somehow adapted to it and things somehow turned out not so bad thanks to the good medication and attention that my father received from my mother. However......things went to sh*t last Sunday when my dad fell down and broke his hip at the wet market.Since that day....my father has to be hospitalized and is unable to walk or even sit-up straight.I saw the x-rays for my father's hip.....and it wasn't pretty.....The hip bone broke almost clean off and the doctors say that he'll need a hip replacement operation(inserting some plastic parts in him instead of attaching the broken bones again with screws).The doctors say that my father would probably not be able to walk as well as last time and that the whole after-operation recouperating thing may take up from 5 to 6 months.Unfortunately.....last Thursday,my mom and I found out that my father's still too weak to go for operation.....he passed out twice during dialysis and an operation so soon would have a danger risk factor of no less than 45% because of his many complications(diabetes=op wound wont be healing as it should,hypertension/high-blood=.
So now.......my father is in pain almost all of the time when he's awake and had to be treated with painkillers which causes him to be confused or hallucinating most of the time.(sometimes...he can't recognize me,i kid u not).
Now all I can do is wait and hope that my father will be okay soon....eventhough I hate waitinga nd hoping for something instead of doing naything.I am now basically am turning into a more angrier and negative person right now thanks to this whole ordeal.
And all these visits to the hospital is making me depressed as heck as well.Today at the dialysis centre...I saw an old Chinese man that looks like he was suffering from some sort of radiation poisoning, had more flabby skin than flesh and bones with plus both of his feet were already blakc and .....rotting away,if I am not mistaken?And just yesterday.....when I was visiting my dad(i visit him everyday....at the hospital now....i try to anyways), this thin Malay guy had this brutal heart-attack beside me inside this lift.*sigh*The hospital here is more like a 'place of suffering' instead of a' place of healing' right now....*sigh*
Mood:Lousy,depressed and angry
Craving:burger
posted by Bluemaxx at
Saturday, March 12, 2005
2 Comments:
I know things are going to sh*t riht now, but people have been through worse.
I feel that how you perceive yourself affect how you handle things. If you believe you're a survivor, you'd get through this. It may be hard, but you will.
Think that you are now the man of the house, so you have to be strong for the sake of the people in it, especially your mom.
Take care.
By
Arashi-KIshu, at 2:46 PM
I know things are going to sh*t riht now, but people have been through worse.
I feel that how you perceive yourself affect how you handle things. If you believe you're a survivor, you'd get through this. It may be hard, but you will.
Think that you are now the man of the house, so you have to be strong for the sake of the people in it, especially your mom.
Take care.
By
Arashi-KIshu, at 2:46 PM
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